Sometimes I think I'm from another world (preach)
When I'm trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand that (aight)
I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who understands that
And that's some hard shit to explain
To a woman that's in love with you, it's a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down
And that's a man's dilemma , 'cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it
I know it sound fucked up and most wont admit it
But yo, I gotta face it 'cause I know I'm living through it
'Cause when the party stops and niggaz get old
And the chain and the cars and the houses get sold, and that
Other side of the bed gets cold, you don't wanna be alone
The Lyrics above me are from a song i been listening to all morning called "slow it down" by this group called Little Brother, there this underground/alternative hip-hop group from North Carolina, anyway i have alot of free time on my hands and when that usually happens i get a whole bunch of random thoughts in my head. sometimes that's a good thing, most time it's not though, cuz usually these thoughts are either radical or depressive. but anyway as the lyrics keep flowing thru my ears and then to my brain, to me the verse couldn't be more accurate to me personally, because that's exactly how i feel @ this very moment. in my lifetime i cant count on one hand how many girlfriends i had, i wasn't very liked @ a child, well i didn't have the dreamboat, oh he's hot look... most times i wasn't comfortable in my own skin.. and even now, i have difficulty excepting who and what i am.. but that's another blog for another day. The Lyrics just had me go thru a couple of flashbacks, and think about who i dealt with over the years, and yet most of the situations they weren't real, @ the time i thought it was love, but it wasn't it was either lust, or forced, because that's how "it's suppose" to be when you date some so i tried to hard ie faked it till i maked it.. but with all that being said i have my moments where i yearn to be held or up under someone, or 2 hold someone's hand in public as we walk thru the mall, but i don't wanna deal with the typical problems of that. questioning of who's texting me @ 3am, or where you going, i like leaving my draws on the floor, and having nothing but beer and lunch meat in my fridge. but yet.. i still crave the compaionship of a relationship. i just cant get intimate with hoes, i feel im getting to old for just fucking random people plus there's a BIG thing called AIDS and STDS and after a while that scene gets tiring, but yet one sometimes might feel the need to see if they " still got it" whatever that it is... but as the lyrics state that's a man's dilemma because around your boys and other men society is built on having a certain number of conquest! it's acceptable and expected 2 have a side chick... even all the great men people admire in society have had mistresses or affairs. but that kinda of behavior in the long term leaves you by yourself. and no one wants to grow old alone.. or have many baby mother's so i guess my next question is
WHEN DO YOU DRAW THE LINE? AND WHEN IS ENOUGH A ENOUGH?
and after that is am i wrong for feeling this conflicted or is it common place?
annoyed