Oddness?

Sometimes I think I'm from another world (preach)
When I'm trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand that (aight)
I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who understands that
And that's some hard shit to explain
To a woman that's in love with you, it's a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down
And that's a man's dilemma , 'cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it
I know it sound fucked up and most wont admit it
But yo, I gotta face it 'cause I know I'm living through it
'Cause when the party stops and niggaz get old
And the chain and the cars and the houses get sold, and that
Other side of the bed gets cold, you don't wanna be alone



The Lyrics above me are from a song i been listening to all morning called "slow it down" by this group called Little Brother, there this underground/alternative hip-hop group from North Carolina, anyway i have alot of free time on my hands and when that usually happens i get a whole bunch of random thoughts in my head. sometimes that's a good thing, most time it's not though, cuz usually these thoughts are either radical or depressive. but anyway as the lyrics keep flowing thru my ears and then to my brain, to me the verse couldn't be more accurate to me personally, because that's exactly how i feel @ this very moment. in my lifetime i cant count on one hand how many girlfriends i had, i wasn't very liked @ a child, well i didn't have the dreamboat, oh he's hot look... most times i wasn't comfortable in my own skin.. and even now, i have difficulty excepting who and what i am.. but that's another blog for another day. The Lyrics just had me go thru a couple of flashbacks, and think about who i dealt with over the years, and yet most of the situations they weren't real, @ the time i thought it was love, but it wasn't it was either lust, or forced, because that's how "it's suppose" to be when you date some so i tried to hard ie faked it till i maked it.. but with all that being said i have my moments where i yearn to be held or up under someone, or 2 hold someone's hand in public as we walk thru the mall, but i don't wanna deal with the typical problems of that. questioning of who's texting me @ 3am, or where you going, i like leaving my draws on the floor, and having nothing but beer and lunch meat in my fridge. but yet.. i still crave the compaionship of a relationship. i just cant get intimate with hoes, i feel im getting to old for just fucking random people plus there's a BIG thing called AIDS and STDS and after a while that scene gets tiring, but yet one sometimes might feel the need to see if they " still got it" whatever that it is... but as the lyrics state that's a man's dilemma because around your boys and other men society is built on having a certain number of conquest! it's acceptable and expected 2 have a side chick... even all the great men people admire in society have had mistresses or affairs. but that kinda of behavior in the long term leaves you by yourself. and no one wants to grow old alone.. or have many baby mother's so i guess my next question is

WHEN DO YOU DRAW THE LINE? AND WHEN IS ENOUGH A ENOUGH?
and after that is am i wrong for feeling this conflicted or is it common place?

is gay the trendy thing 2 do

I'm making this post cuz i am just curious to know, I'm not homophobic @ all, in fact i like taking fashion advice from the homosexual population, they will have u looking official, anywho.Is it me or does it seem like its trendy to be gay? like real talk it seems everyone is coming out, like its even getting to the point where pre-teens are claiming there "gay" like i have a lil female cousin that is claiming "I'm tired of boys they play 2 much I'm gay" like your 12 wtf do u know about relationship, and being a lesbian? man i graduated High School 9 years ago, things were different, we knew people were gay but it ain't as extreme, as now. like all the hot chicks are gay too. like getting ya pussy licked must really means something these days. are we in a new gay revolution?

Love isn't the Same

another dose of my inner thoughts...
Current mood: calm

They say we're supposed to grow wiser with time and life experience. I'm beginning to think "they" are wrong.

Remember when you were in high school and if you liked a girl or boy, you talked on the phone almost every night for hours? You'd stay on the phone with each other through all hours of the night, talking about everything and nothing. You'd stop by, even if for just a moment, to see the other's face. And even before you got up the nerve to kiss or anything, you were filled with butterflies when you were next to one another. Then you get older and call the old times "puppy love". I think we knew more about love as children than we do as adults.

Before we were old enough to go on expensive dates and drive expensive cars and buy expensive gifts, we knew how to make the most of the time we spent with the one we "loved". Moments together were all that mattered. And even though you had that urge deep inside to get physical with each other, you still enjoyed each others company without the sex.

Nowadays, sex is most often the first step and then we try to build something solid out of nothing at all. Only God can do such a thing! So where do we go from here? It's a scary thing to imagine that real love no longer exists in adults. The purest of love today is that of a child toward its parent and even that's becoming more and more rare with the lack of respect the children of today posses.

I wonder if there is a woman left on this earth who truly knows the worth of a good man and the importance of keeping his spirit in her heart so that he knows how to keep him happy. I wonder if there is a man, other than myself, who truly knows what a good woman is and how to appreciate, honor and respect her as the provider of the womb that gave him life.

Random House Dictionary lists the definition of the word "Love" as (a profoundly tender, passionate affection). Profound means "complete" or "far beyond what is obvious". Things that are tender are soft. Things that are soft are handled with care. Love should be handled with care. The word "passion" comes from the sufferings of Christ on the cross. He died for us - for our sins, before we were even born. That's Love. Now, how can a word that can run so deep with meaning be taken so lightly and thrown around so easily and falsely today?

When I'd die for someone, without a second thought, is when I tell them I love them. I never use the word "Love" with any other meaning. And when I find someone who loves me with that meaning of the word, she will have no worries and no wants with regard to what he may ask of me. SHe will be my piece of Heaven and I hers and we will show the world what "Love" is.